The streets we walk on

I wish I could explain what it feels like to walk these streets. What it feels like to know that there are thousands of years of history. Not just any history. My history.

I was at the Western Wall last night, on Tisha B'Av. It is the saddest day on our calendar and we mourn the destruction of our two Temples. The destruction that occurred was not just material. Jews in Jerusalem starved to death, were brutally murdered and everything destroyed. (It's custom to read all about it and it is definitely not pleasant reading) They were sent into exile, never to come back to Israel until the founding of the state of Israel in 1948.

Did I really ever think I would be sitting on the ground, staring at a wall, singing, and feeling sad that the Beit Hamikdash was no longer there? No. But something changed 7 months ago. I became Jewish and all of a sudden, Jewish history - even going back thousands of years - became mine.

I travelled on Friday morning to Kever Rachel. The grave of our matriarch Rachel. She cried for the Jewish people. She was buried outside of Jerusalem, so she would bring comfort to Jews on their journey. I could feel those tears and felt that my words were heard.

I don't want to leave Israel. I feel connected to this land. It stirs your soul and it feels like home. I walk these streets and I am surrounded by a people that I now call my own. There are no words that can encapsulate this feeling. It just feels right. And peaceful. And connected. Studying and learning, I am like a fish in water.

My flight is less than 24 hours away. I pray and pray that I will be back soon. I couldn't have imagined how hard it is to leave. I have to, but my heart yearns to stay. I trust in Hashem that I will find a way. But now it's time to bring everything that I've learnt and bring it back. 

May we be blessed to always stay connected to what matters most.

Singing

Kotel at midnight

Men singing too

Not Being Afraid To Try

It's been a good week! We went to Caesarea and Zichron Yaakov as a day trip. It was eye opening to see a side of Israel that isn't at the top of the list of most important places to see in Israel. It was also a place that had much more Roman and Greek influences than Jewish. What's so incredible though is realizing that wherever you go, you are looking at thousands of years of history. Thousands of years! The stones and structures have been there before we even had countries in the way we have now. Before America was even on the radar. It really is extraordinary to be able to witness history and learn from it.

We had two amazing farbrengens where we sang and talked into the night (I also happen to be more tired this week than any other). The girls here are so inspiring. I feel like I've made so many friends from so many countries and walks of life. As the days go by, I'm overcome with the realization that I really don't want to leave, both for the people, the learning, and the land. 

Israel and seminary has profoundly changed the person that I am. It's a time for personal growth that is so unique in its nature. Everything you learn can change the way you see the world. It can take all that you thought was true and turn it upside down (is a rock really a rock?) or inspire you by deepening how you understand the world and how Gd runs it. 

That said, I think the most profound shift in attitude is the lesson that the journey is not just a means to any particular end. The path that you follow, with the twists and turns, is what actually matters. Not so much where you end up (though evidently it does still matter, just in a different way).

I think we often have challenges in life that seem impossible, but when we take that first step, we realize that they are only as hard as we make them out to be. I've learnt at Mayanot that you should never be afraid to try. One of the most difficult but rewarding classes is our Chassidus class. We learn directly from one of the previous Rebbe's maamers (specifically Heichaltzu). What does that mean? It means that we're looking at a deep and philosophical text that provides life lessons, but takes a long time to get there. The class is always split into two (time to struggle with the text and time to bring it all together).

And the struggle is real. You're looking at tiny little Hebrew letters, no nekudot (vowels), abbreviations abound, and trying to make sense of a text that is already complicated enough. It's also important to note that these struggles are just as real with big letters, nekudot, and no abbreviations. 

So, what do you do? You leave your ego at the door.

You make the conscious decision to do your best even if that means that you will barely get through one sentence, look up every single word, and be ok with the idea that at the end of the day, you may still not understand. We predispose ourselves to think that if we are inevitably going to fail or not understand, why try at all? If you know that the end result will be not be what you want, does that mean you shouldn't try? The reality is that no matter what you've gotten from what you've learnt, it's not a failure. The process itself is what matters. And that's how you learn.

That doesn't mean that it can't be frustrating, but attitude is everything. And when you do 'get it', it's so much more meaningful because of the hard work you invested in it. 

So, my blessing to all of us is that we all be able to have the courage to tackle our challenges and to try, even if the result isn't always satisfying or tied up with a pretty bow.

Shabbat Shalom!

Glossary

Chassidus: Chassidus (in my eyes) is a way of looking at the Torah and its inner dimension. It looks at the soul and provides a guide as to how to live your life in a way that is focused on joy and unity with Gd. There's probably a better definition somewhere than mine, but that's how I understand it.  

Maamer: Chassidic/spiritual discourse given over by a Rebbe (spiritual leader). This might help: http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/2905524/jewish/What-Is-a-Maamar.htm

Ramat Hanadiv Park (run by the Rothschild Foundation)

Caesarea

The ocean + Mayanot 5776

An ancient Roman theatre

Panorama of Caesarea

What I do every day!

Shavua tov! Hopefully, you won't mind that I'm a little neglectful of this blog and this will make up a little for it. It's been a crazy week, but I'm hoping to keep this up a little more. Maybe days 2 and 3 in Tsfat will make it up there.

Last week started with a fast, which is not so fun, just requires lots of sleep and not moving around too much, especially in this heat. That said, it is a great reminder of the blessings we do have. When you can't eat or drink, you remember that there were times (and there are still people today) when there was no food or water. We are blessed to have most of our needs provided for and on these fast days, we realize how lucky we truly are.

What does a day look like? I realize that most people actually have no idea what I do every day. Hopefully this won't be too boring and will help understand what on earth I'm spending these few weeks doing.

So, here goes:
We have an optional morning Chassidus class at 7:45am. It's a great class when I wake up for it, but I usually sleep through. We look into chassidic concepts that look into the depths of our soul and how we look at the world. Whether it's looking at how to find joy in darkness or what's inside of our soul, it's a wonderful way to start the day.

Between 8:30-9:30am, we have both davening time and breakfast. There are little groups where you can daven together or you can just do it on your end. Again, totally dependent on what you wake up! Breakfast is cereal or crackers with cheese. And most importantly: coffee!

9:30am starts the learning. Here it really depends on the day. Mondays for example start with Chumash class which looks into the actual Torah and the commentary associated with it. It's then followed by a class on different Talmudic concepts. Other days have other classes, such as looking at the prophets (e.g. Isaiah, Solomon) or looking at how halacha is derived from the Torah. We also have Hebrew class twice a week. Classes are usually divided into two parts.

Part 1 is Chavrusa time. We spend about 45min-1hour with a partner or 2 looking at the actual Hebrew text. For example, with Chumash class, we'll spend about half of that time looking at the Hebrew for 3-4 sentences (literally) in the actual Torah.

It means a lot of Google Translate from Hebrew to English, especially when 95% of the words are ones you don't know. We sometimes refer back to the English to check our translation, but most is in Hebrew. Then, we get into Rashi commentary. The real challenge with Rashi is that when they codified his writings, they invented a whole new script for it. So it's Hebrew without vowels (which is already hard enough) with the added challenge that your normal letters look completely different. When you do get the hang of it, it can be truly fascinating. Every single letter and word is in the Torah for a purpose. Rashi helps bring this to light.

Once all this is done, comes part 2. We re-focus our attention to our teacher and it becomes more lecture-style. We learn about what we just learnt and usually get some incredible insights. There's something very special with learning in this way. Once you've challenged yourself and spend an hour wondering what something means, it's amazing to get that clarity after you're done.

Every day, we have two classes like this so from 9:30-11:30 and another from 11:30-1:30. 1:30pm is lunch and always very welcomed! It's easy to get hungry when your brain is working so hard. Unless it's Tuesday (which is a free afternoon), we have afternoon class from 2:30-4:00pm. My favourite is our class on Jewish philosophy. The teacher's purpose is usually to leave us unsettled and doubting everything we thought we knew -- whether it's wondering how a rock knows it exists to understanding the depths of our relationship with Gd through Noah, Avraham, and Moses. After the afternoon class, we finally have a break! We finally have time to go wander around, learn some more, or do anything else we like. Dinner is served around 6:30pm.

Finally, we have an evening class every night from 7:30-9pm. We can have guest speakers or other more topic-related teachers. We've had classes on dream interpretation, the mysticism of headcovering, the politics of Israel, the different worlds in which Gd exists through the metaphor of water bottles, and many others. Once evening class is over, you're free! Well, really, most people keep learning or we occasionally have 'journal chevras' (where we basically chill and journal about our day). We also have farbrengens where we stay up very late, sing, and talk about life.

That's basically it! There's lots more to say, but time to sleep to prepare for tomorrow. Day trip to Caesarea!

Glossary
Davening: Prayer
Halacha: Jewish law
Chumash: The 5 books of Moses aka the Old Testament
Chavrusa: Study with a partner
Rashi: A famous commentator on the Torah
Chevra: Group (though more close than a plain group)
Farbrengen: Kind of hard to explain so see this article

Our seminary bunny!

Seminary friends!